GrungeReport.net troll/commenter Stormin’ Norman sent in this review of Hole’s show last night:

Hey Bret,

Went to the (shit) Hole show last night in Montclair, New Jersey last night, instead of bringing my black girlfriend Regina I brought my best friend Teddy (he’s black too).  We were late getting to the show because a cop pulled me over for a broken headlight.  I told that pig to fuck off, lol.  When We got to the Theater we scalped for tickets, this cool guy with a mustache sold us a pair of tickets and some weed for 140 bucks.  We were waiting outside for the doors to open, when we realized that they were already opened, so we went to our seats in the upper balcony.  They were great seats, just like being in the front row.  Finally at 8:53 (could have been 9:53 my watch sucks lol) the band came on and they opened with Plump, plump like Courtney’s big titties.  I got a boner from them.  I think it was Plump.  As soon as I heard the opening chords to Northern Star me and Teddy started moshing and some Mexican fan fell off the balcony, lol. There was a pit on the floor so it broke his fall.  I’m actually jealous because his seat got upgraded.  Queen Courtney and her bitch musicians played for 30 more minutes before doing a 3 song encore, it really exemplified Courtney’s graceful chord playing, she truly is the line leader of the band.  She probably has the nicest pair of tits in rock n roll, I wanna see her nakey.  After the encore the whole crowd started chanting Nirvana, and the band walked off stage.  The band then came back on stage for a second encore, but they got lazy and only played one song.  Courtney changed her wardrobe into jeans, which showed how truly perfect her buttocks is.  I don’t like the beach, but I’d like to motorboat that shit.  After the show me and Teddy waited out back for Courtney to come out and we realized we’d never smoked the weed we bought.  When Courtney came out I offered it to her, she rejected but said she’d sign an autograph.  But when I asked to take a picture with her, she said there’s too many people waiting for autographs.  So I said to her why are you being so rude, she ignored me and walked away.  It was the greatest moment of my life.  I’d much rather marry Courtney Love than my black girlfriend Regina.  When Teddy and I were driving home our ears were ringing so loud we couldn’t even hear the radio.  On the way home we stopped to have a brew, and ended up getting in a fight at the local bar.  The Pirates also lost but it doesn’t matter because Courtney talked to me, it was the greatest night of my life ever.  By the time I got home Teddy stole my weed, so I went to bed, dreaming of Courtney, lol.

-Norman Schoendienst

Read Stormin Norman’s Alice In Chains show review from March